she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
now i know why i became what i already was.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
