Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
