I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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