this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
