Can i not drive my cunt home
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
