Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
