girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
