So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
