Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
