why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
