We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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