The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
