mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
