Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
