we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
