I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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