do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
