also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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