I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
