i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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