Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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