there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
