i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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