you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sext me about skeletons
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
