If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
