Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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