He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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