if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
