I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
