he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
