I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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