Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
