I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
