I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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