There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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