ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
