i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
