Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
