Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who died my cat blue again?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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