If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
