Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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