birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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