just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
All I want is dick and wine.
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