When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
