my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Couch. On fire.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
