Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
