So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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