hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
