So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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