Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
