i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
