Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
