I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
